Much wailing and gnashing of teeth
It has been almost exactly a month since my last injury update and eight weeks since the injury itself.
In a just and fair world that rewards even the vaguely righteous, I would now be reporting a steady return to regular, consistent running, radiating positivity and enthusiasm for the weeks of training and adventure ahead in the long, warm days of early summer.
The world is neither fair nor just and my leg is still f*!ked.
After my last report, I firmly believed that I was about two weeks away from introducing some running back into my rehabilitation activities. In the end it was closer to three weeks, but when I made the decision to introduce short bouts of running into my treadmill sessions, I was confident that the time was right. I thought I would encounter some initial stiffness and resistance, as one does in these situations, but that I would run through them and build from there.
It turns out that this has simply not happened. After three sessions involving some very conservative efforts at running, I have had to back off and re-assess. I can run up to a quarter mile, repeated with walking breaks in between, but once I have done two or three such intervals, the level of pain in my ankle is such that I start to favour that side. When that happens, it is clearly not working and is time to stop. There is no pain whatsoever in my calf and I can strike on my forefoot without difficulty. However, on more of a midfoot strike, the pain in the rear of my ankle just builds with time. Essentially, it feels exactly like the level of pain and discomfort that caused me to stop for the first time on the Canal Du Midi. OK, I know I made it a lot worse after that but still, it is like the original injury has not changed in the last eight weeks.
I said before that my sports therapist is still convinced that the injury was a soleus muscle tear, and I accepted that, but I really need some convincing at this stage. The pain is very localised to the narrowest part of my Achilles tendon just at the back of my ankle. It is too high to be insertional tendonitis. The tendon still inflames very easily and simply won’t return to normal size. I know that this is very close to point where the soleus and Achilles join but I have no other muscle pain and it has been eight weeks.
A big part of the frustration is not really knowing what is wrong with it. I was prepared for an eight-week rehabilitation, but I was not prepared for this lack of progress and uncertainty at the end of those eight weeks. That is what I am currently trying to adjust to, but I cannot lie, it is difficult. I don’t really do optimism so the main challenge at the moment is preventing total negativity from taking over.
By total negativity, I do not mean the growing frustration at the delay in returning to running. I mean the beginning of the mental process involving the acceptance that this might be the show-stopping injury I have always dreaded and that running might now be in my past. A large part of my life has involved thought and planning around worst-case scenarios, so it is a difficult mindset to avoid. However, I do often find my mind drifting to what I might do to try and replace running if the end is indeed nigh.
Meantime, I have done several things from mental and decision-making perspectives.
I withdrew from my end-May event several weeks ago, just after my last update. It was never going to be a realistic prospect even had the recovery timeline been favourable. Right now, I am not even thinking much about my August event in Devon or indeed any future event at all. I just want to run again.
I have ceased further attempts at running until significant progress is made. It is clearly not working and must therefore be a barrier to progress. I will even curtail my incline walking. I will continue to work on the stairmaster as it has negligible impact on the injury site, and I will continue to do lower body resistance work. That way, I can maintain a semblance of cardio and benefit from some strength training meantime.
I am off to Wales next week for a fortnight. I will deliberately not take any running kit and will spend that time doing some recovery exercises. There will be plenty of leisure walking to keep things moving but without undue strain. Once back from Wales, I might even consider some swimming.
Taking all of that into consideration, I am tentatively looking at a 12-week timeline now. However, nothing will have changed even at the end of that period unless there is a substantial, sustained change in the overall look and feel of my ankle.
One step at a time……
