Who am I as a runner?
I only recently launched this blog and if you’ve read my brief bio on the About page you will already have a flavour of who I am and how my running journey has evolved. There is however a lot more to it so I thought I would write a little more in with three things in mind.
Firstly, although I am firmly of the belief that running can contribute to positive mental health, sense of purpose and overall wellbeing, I also believe that your fundamental character and personality shape what type of runner you are. I know that my personality plays a big part in influencing how running fits into my broader life and my thinking.
Secondly, how do we as individuals and as runners quantify success, improvement and failure? What about the times when it just doesn’t go according to plan.
Lastly, you might be interested in reading a bit more about what motivates me, what aspects of running I enjoy most, what I don’t like and where I think I am going as a runner in the future.
Personality type
If asked, I would assess myself to be a highly introspective person with well-developed self-awareness and a predominantly rational approach to life in general. I do not routinely need or even seek the company of other people and have a relatively low interest in their approval or otherwise. Whilst I recognise emotions and emotional behaviour in others, my own emotional range is limited but that said, I am capable of considerable empathy. When it comes down to it though, I am not much of a social animal.
I am not an alpha male, nor am I a beta male. I am an archetypal sigma male.
If you are familiar with the Myers-Briggs system of personality typing, I am an INTJ. If you are not familiar with Myers-Briggs or have never tested yourself, you might find it an interesting experience from any life perspective. I don’t intend to elaborate on it here, but I have no disagreement whatsoever with what Myers-Briggs says about my personality type which I have pretty much described in a nutshell above.
What does any of this have to do with my running? In my view, a lot.
My personality, combined with a certain genetic propensity for physical activity and sport, drives me to challenge and test myself, but within parameters. Although I would say that my long working career evidenced a strong ability to work in teams and to lead, solitary activity is much more my natural environment. I am comfortable speaking in front of large numbers of people but far less comfortable making one-to-one conversation with a stranger. Unsurprisingly then, I have never been drawn to participate in team sports or activities. Running may not be the only sport or activity that suits my personality type but there is no doubt that it does tick all the boxes for me.
Social groups of all kinds are likely to be comprised of people with the same beliefs, values, views or interests. Running is no different and a large percentage of people who run will gravitate towards and seek the company of other runners. Running clubs and ParkRun are perfect examples of this.
There is much talk right across society of the concept of community and again, running is no exception. There is increasing reference in the running world to the ‘ultrarunning community’ and other similar terms. I absolutely understand why that is important and meaningful for a lot of people, but my own mind just doesn’t operate that way. Hence, I have never even considered joining a running club or group. Notwithstanding any of that, I am always in awe of the enthusiasm and contribution made by volunteers at all of the events I attend and I hope I am always demonstrably appreciative.
Many runners aspire to be involved in one of the iconic big city marathons or to be part of the huge throng of runners and spectators in the streets of Chamonix at UTMB. Many attend their local ParkRun every week as it is as much a social experience as it is a run. Conversely, these are the very things that could easily cause me to wake up at night screaming. In reality, I am not anti-social, ignorant or rude, but my personality simply repels me from this sort of experience, however much I love running. On occasion I may even wish that things were different, but they are not.
I know therefore that my personality has a huge impact on what kind of runner I am. As will hopefully become apparent it also has a huge influence on the type of running that I enjoy.
So why do I compete?
If everything I have just written holds true then why would I enter races? Why not just go out and run alone in my own little bubble? At my age and with my ability, it is not as if I am ever going to win anything anyway. These are valid questions.
I have already said that my personality type is not hugely influenced by what others say or do. I almost always run alone and some of my most memorable running experiences have been running alone, generally far from people. I never listen to music or podcasts when I run, I don’t much like to chit-chat during races and I am generally quite content inside my head with my own thoughts. That said, I have met several people through race events who I would happily see again.
I came back to running relatively late in life and I sincerely wish to run for as long as my mind and body will allow me to do so. However, I also like to challenge myself and to improve and I want to achieve a degree of personal satisfaction with the level at which I perform. That said, I am not driven in any kind of ‘alpha’ sense to dominate others or to establish myself as superior and I most certainly do not have a win at all costs mentality.
I am confident that I don’t give 100% all or even most of the time, let alone the 110% effort that some people apparently manage to attain. I am genuinely intrigued by those who assert that they gave something 100%. I simply have no idea what 100% effort or commitment would look or feel like for me as I think I will always reflect that I could have done something differently or better.
To perform and to improve I do feel that I need to test myself and for me that means I need goals to work towards and to motivate me in the longer term. That is first and foremost why I enter races or events. I have no delusions of winning. However, I am there to compete because that is how I will tap into my better performances and have a sense of how that performance stacks up in the grander scheme of things. I will never say that the latter is not important to me. However, my competitiveness is confined to achieving my own personal goals.
If you have read my brief running bio on the About page, you will see that I am entirely comfortable with my status as a mid-pack runner. Nonetheless, I do regard myself as a competitor rather than a completer and my goal in every race is to finish in the top 50% of finishers. There are races I have entered with due trepidation and with acute awareness of the challenge ahead, but I have never approached any of them, bar one, with the thought that I would be happy just to finish. Maybe such events still lie in the future but in a lot of respects, I hope not. I think that once my competitive goal starts to become consistently unachievable, I will simply stop entering races. I don’t enter them to meet people, to enjoy conversation or just to take part.
Despite everything I have already written, one glaring omission remains. It should be enjoyable!
Running can be painful, challenging and sometimes downright unpleasant, particularly in the darker moments of a particularly challenging race or event. There are always going to be off days and crappy training runs but like most other people, I run regardless because I enjoy it. However, I am also highly dubious of those who claim they enjoyed every step of an ultra or other challenging race. In every race, there might be moments of Type 1 fun. Much of a long race is likely to be Type 2 fun and there may well be times during the race when it was definitely Type 3 fun. Overall though I want it to be enjoyable, even if I can only rationalise and realise that fully post-event.
For me, a preponderance of Type 2 fun is still an enjoyable and worthwhile endeavour, even if this can only be fully appreciated with hindsight. Once Type 3 starts to dominate proceedings, there has to come a point when it may be time to stop. For the runner, that raises the dark spectre of the DNF! Thoughts on the dreaded DNF in an upcoming post.
